Oh God.

Sometimes that sums it up.  I have many “Oh God” types of days.

Days when I wake up and read people fighting on facebook over whatever the sexiest current issue is, that will undoubtedly pass in a week (or a day).  Fighting not to understand one another, not to learn from each other, but to win their argument.  Walking away with minds not changed, but certainly liking each other quite a bit less.

And I think, Oh God.

There are days when I talk with people who have been living homeless, or who aren’t sure where their next meal is coming from, or when I hear of a friend’s cousin who was incarcerated for 29 days until his trial date because he couldn’t afford to post bail…. a trial which quickly determined he was arrested because he had the same name as a guy who wasn’t paying his child support.  He was released immediately, now jobless, of course.  After 29 days.

And I think, Oh God.

There are days when I look inside myself, my laziness, my lack of love and compassion, my impatience in ministry and parenting.  Days when I’m more selfish than un, days when I’d rather just drive somewhere else, days when I wonder what how effective I’ve been in my calling.  Days where nothing seems to come easy.

And I think, Oh God.

And there are days where I look around at over exhausted parents, young adults trying to find meaning, people hiding deep hurts and insecurities because they don’t know it’s safe to be honest.

And I pray….

Oh God.

And then there are other days.

Days when I think about the way that love has transformed me.  Days when I look around and see good being done- lots of good being done- in the world, through the beautiful community that I’m a part of.  Days when I’m awed by people having family that didn’t have family before. By people who have taken the next step in connecting with God’s love in the midst of the most unlikely circumstances.  By people giving money, food, time, and love… away.  Days when I think about Jesus entering all of this….. stuff.  Entering in a way that nobody would expect, because God came in a way that didn’t allow him to say anything for years. He just laid there.  Cared for by others.  Living life long enough so that when he spoke to people, as a person… he really knew what he was talking about.

Days when I think about wonder, and grace, and love overcoming evil, and second chances, and miraculous moments, and forgiveness, and redemption of people and things, and hope, and peace, and joy….. and love.

And I marvel…

Oh, God!


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